You Won’t Believe It!!! Mets Will Tie for First!!!
Copyright c 2010 Evan Pritchard September 14th, 2010
A lot of reporters are making their football predictions for the 2010-11 season right now. As a baseball fan, I think, “But the baseball season isn’t over yet! Who cares about the Giants or Jets getting into the wild card spot? Who’s going to win the pennant?”
Many baseball fans are making World Series predictions right now and not even thinking about the Mets. But in fact, the Mets are far from being mathematically eliminated. Believe it or not, they could still win the pennant.
On September 12th, in order to get an accurate prediction of the Mets future for the remainder of 2010, I went to a renown psychic, known to channel Elvis Presley and the ghost of Ty Cobb once in a while, and I asked about the immediate future of the NL East Penant race. I asked, “Who’s going to win the NL East this year?” This psychic, whom we shall call, “Swami Salami,” answered, slowly and sleepily, as if in a trance, “The Mets will win the pennant! But not the Mets as you know them!”
“Not the Mets as I know them? What do you mean, Swami?”
He said, “The events that are about to transpire will be so miraculous, so surprising, that no one will remember the 1969 Mets as “the Miracle Mets.” That distinction will only belong to the 2010 team. But in fact it will be a different Mets organization than the one you have been following lo these many years!”
“Oh! Swami! I fail to understand! Tell me true. Will the Mets win the pennant or not?”
“Got your attention, sonny! You wanna know what’ll happen?”
“Yes, I do!”
“Gimme fifty bucks and I’ll tell you.”
Without thinking, I reached in my pocket and pulled out fifty bucks in US currency. His old, gnarled hand whipped around and snatched it from my grasp before I knew what hit me. He said, “I owe Ty Cobb fifty bucks, and he’s been haunting me about it since he passed on. Thanks a lot! See you later!”
“But.. but…” I said. “You were going to tell me about how the Mets are going to win the pennant THIS YEAR!”
“Oh, so I did. “Well, have a seat. This is not going to be a short story.”
I pulled a hassock up in front of the dias he was sitting on, and stared at him. I said, “Well…”
Swami folded his legs underneath himself in full lotus posture, and pulled a baseball out of his pocket and began to toss it gently between his hands. “Tomorrow, the great drama begins to unfold! Tomorrow, Monday, the Mets will beat the Pirates 1-0. Then on Tuesday, the Mets will beat the Pirates again 9-1. Reyes, Davis, and Beltran will all light up the board with hits and crush the Pirates handily. Reyes will go 3 for 4 with three runs scored; Pagan will go 3 for 5 with 3 rbis; Beltran will go 2 for 4 with 3 ribbies; Evans will go 2 for 4 with 2 runs scored; And Tejada will go 3 for 4 with 2 runs scored.
But this is the tip of the iceberg. In fact, in secret, they have been having meetings with the Wilpons about the future of the Mets. Most fans know that the Wilpons lost millions of dollars in a Ponzi scheme involving Bernie Madoff. Most do not know that in fact they lost ALL of their money, and can no longer pay the players or even the ushers. In fact, they are thinking of having a yard sale before tomorrow’s game to raise money to pay the rent on Citifield. Right now the players have more money than the Wilpons. But of course Governor Patterson has advised everyone involved not to talk to the press about it, for fear of a panic that could affect Wall Street.
“Before Monday’s game, the Wilpons will meet with a player delegation led by David Wright and Mike Pelfry, and offer them a chance to buy the team and to incorporate as a cooperative worker/stockholder corporation, sort of like what the airlines did, and to buy the team from the Wilpons outright for $500 million, with a downpayment of $1 US currency. Wright agrees, and the deal is made. Everyone shakes on it. The lawyers quickly draw up the papers and everyone signs it. The new team is now secretly called “The Autonomous Collective of Metropolitan Baseball Players.” There are no more crabby bosses, no long, cumbersome chain of command, no heartless hierarchy. Everyone has equal say in everything. Even the team will be managed inning by inning by a democratic vote from the dugout.”
“But what about Omar Minaya? What about Jerry Manuel?” I cried out.
“Not needed! In fact, Jerry will stay on for a few more days to talk to the press about the games, only until the news is released. He will be part of a cover up. Sort of like how JFK went to Chicago during the Cuban Missile Crisis just to make it look like everything was normal.”
“Okay, that makes sense….I guess!” I said. “Who is going to make those calls to the bullpen?”
“Relief pitchers will be elected to warm up in the pen by a committee of players, ratified by a simple majority over the course of an at-bat. The decision as to who shall make the call to the pen will be on a rotating basis by seniority.
“So how can the Mets win the pennant anyway? Aren’t they already eliminated?”
“They are not eliminated at all, and in fact will win. Here is exactly how it will happen. Do you have a pen or pencil?”
“Yes, I do!”
“Then get this down before I forget! Ty Cobb talks fast!”
On Tuesday the ACMBP, aka The Mets, buoyed up with enthusiasm, and driven by the pride that only equity ownership and profit-sharing can bring, will win 9-1, as I said earlier.
On Wednesday, September 15th, the Mets will send 14 men to the plate in the 4th inning to score 7 runs to overcome a 5-0 deficit, and will go on to win 8-7 adding a long homer by Reyes. The Phillies will beat a newly reorganized Florida Marlins, also now a socialist collective, 10-5. Fueled by a grand slam, Washington will beat Atlanta in an unlikely 4-2 victory. At the end of the day, the Phillies will lead the division with an 86-61 record; Atlanta will be 3 behind with a record of 83-64; the Marlins will be in third at 73-72, 12 games behind; the Mets will be in fourth with a 73 and 73 record, again at .500 after a several weeks below the water line. They will be 12 ½ games out. And the Nationals will be 62-84. The Mets will be a half game out of third.
On Thursday, September 16th, the Mets will beat the Pirates behind a nice effort by Mike Pelfrey, 6-0 (oops I meant 6-2) . It will be Pelfrey’s 15th win and the Mets’ fourth consecutive win. The other teams will be dormant, leaving the Mets 12 games behind with a record of 74-73, in a virtual tie for third. But wait! There’s more!
On Friday, September 17th, the Mets will meet the Braves and beat them 9-4, gaining sole possession of third place. The Nats will surprise the Phils 4-3, and the Marlins will fall to the Cubs 3-1. This leaves the Phils at 86-62, the Braves at 83 and 66, the Mets in sole possession of third at 75-73, and the Marlins at 73 and 73. The victorious Nationals will be at 64 and 84. This will be the standings:
Phils 86-62 —
Braves 83-65 3
Mets 75-73 11
Marlins 73-73 12
Nats 64-84 22
On Saturday, September 18th, the Mets will again beat the Braves, by a score of 6-5. The Nationals will beat the Phils 3-1, and the Cubs will beat the Marlins 4-2. This will result in the following standings;
Phils 86-63 —
Braves 83-66 3 ½
Mets 76-73 10
Marlins 74-73 10 ½
Nats 65-84 21
On Sunday, September 19th, the Mets will beat the Braves 3-0 with a brilliant shutout by Dickey. The Cubs will beat the Marlins 8-4, and the Phils will lose 7-6 to the Nationals due to a poor performance by Blanton. This will result in the following standings:
Phils 86-64 —
Braves 83-67 3
Mets 77-73 9
Marlins 74-74 11
Nats 66-84 20
On Monday, September 20th, the Mets are not scheduled to play. The Marlins beat the Cardinals 6-4; the Braves beat the Phils 4-3, and the Astros beat the Nationals 9-2. The standings will be:
Phils 86-65 —
Braves 84-67 2
Mets 77-73 8 ½
Marlins 75-74 10
Nats 66-85 20
On Tuesday, September 21st, the autumnal equinox will see the Phillies continue to slide, losing to the Braves by a score of 4-3, the Nationals will beat the Astros 3-1, and the Mets will beat the Marlins by a score of 7 to 2. This will result in the following standings:
Phils 86-66 —
Braves 85-67 1
Mets 78-73 7 ½
Marlins 75-75 11
Nats 67-85 19
On Wednesday, September 22nd, the Mets will beat the Marlins 5-4, extending their winning streak to nine in a row, and sending the Marlins below .500 for the first time in the month. The Braves will beat the Phils 4-3, entering into a tie for first with the Phils; and the Nationals will defeat the Astros 5-4. The standings will be:
Phils 86-67 —
Braves 86-67 —
Mets 79-73 6 ½
Marlins 75-76 10
Nats 68-85 18
On Thursday, September 23rd, the Mets will be inactive, and Washington will defeat the Astros 3-0 for their 69th win. On Friday, September 24th, the Mets will beat the Phillies 8-4 for their tenth consecutive win, the Nats will beat the Braves 4-1, and the Marlins will defeat the Brewers 5-2. This will leave the standings as follows:
Phils 86-68 —
Braves 86-68 —
Mets 80-73 5 ½
Marlins 76-76 9
Nats 70-85 16 ½
On Saturday, September 25th, the Mets will continue to win, beating the Phils by a score of 9-2. The Nats will beat the Braves 7-1 and the Marlins will beat the Brewers 5-1. This will tighten up the standings yet further, as follows:
Phils 86-69 —
Braves 86-69 —
Mets 81-73 4 ½
Marlins 77-76 8
Nats 71-85 15 ½
On Sunday, September 26th, the Mets will continue their remarkable 12 game win streak, beating the Phils 7-3. The Nationals will continue to upset the Braves 4-0, and the Marlins will beat the Brewers 8-1. This will help the Mets get closer to first place.
Phils 86-70 —
Braves 86-70 —
Mets 82-73 3 ½
Marlins 78-76 7
Nats 72-85 14 ½
Monday, September 27th, and the whole baseball world is noticing the Mets miracle surge and is watching the tightening pennant race in the NL East with increasing interest. The Mets respond to the limelight by defeating the Brewers 6-1. The Nationals, in a major upset, defeat the Phillies 6-5, and the Marlins beat the Braves 4-3. Suddenly it’s a real horserace.
Phils 86-71 —
Braves 86-71 —
Mets 83-73 2 ½
Marlins 79-76 6
Nats 73-85 13 ½
Tuesday, September 28th, the Mets win their 14th in a row as they defeat the Brewers 7-5 in extra innings. The Nats edge out the Phillies 1-0, and the Marlins outscore the Braves 10-9. The race tightens further.
Phils 86-72 —
Braves 86-72 —
Mets 84-73 1 ½
Marlins 80-76 5
Nats 74-85 12 ½
The following day, Wednesday, September 29th, the Mets are the talk of the town as the Mets defeat the Brewers 10-0. The Braves fall to the Marlins 8-7 and the Nationals yet again upset the Phils 9-2. Fifteen wins in a row for the Mets.
Phils 86-73 –
Braves 86-73 —
Mets 85-73 ½
Marlins 81-76 4
Nats 75-85 11 ½
On Thursday, we reach the last day of September and things are just getting more exciting. The Mets defeat the Brewers 4-3, and the Marlins defeat the last place Pirates 7-2. The Braves and Phils are dormant, allowing the Mets to creep up on both teams, entering into a three way tie for first place, with their 16th consecutive win.
Mets 86-73 —
Phils 86-73 —
Braves 86-73 —
Marlins 82-76 3 ½
Nats 75-85 11 ½
On Friday, October 1st, the battle for first in the NL East takes a decidedly dramatic twist, that turns New York City upsidedown. The Nationals come into town and break the Mets win streak at 16, defeating them in a 12 inning marathon, 9-8 on a popup dropped by Luis Castillo. The Marlins beat the Pirates 4-3, and the Braves defeat the Phillies 8-7 in 14 innings to spring forward and take first place with one day left in the season. The Braves take sole possession of first place for the first time in several months. The Mets fall into a tie for second place.
Braves 87-73 —
Mets 86-74 1
Phils 86-74 1
Marlins 83-76 3 ½
Nats 76-85 11 ½
Now it comes down to the last day of the regular season, and anything can happen. In any case, it will be one of the most exciting final finishes in history since 1967 when the AL East was a four way race. On Saturday October 2nd, the Mets defeat the Nationals at Citifield in a 1:10 day game, a 10-9 in a nailbiter, concluding with a walk off home run by Ike Davis at 4:10 PM. At that same time, the Phillies will begin a game in Atlanta that may decide the pennant. If the Braves win, they will win the pennant. If they lose, it will be a three way tie. As it turns out, the Phillies defeat the Braves 7-6 on a home run by Ryan Howard. The Marlins defeat the Pirates 4-3 to end their season on a high note. When the smoke clears, the Mets, Braves, and Phils are in an unprecedented three-way tie at the top of the NL East.
Mets 87-74 —
Phils 87-74 —
Braves 87-74 —
Marlins 84-76 2 ½
Nats 75-87 12 ½
To break the tie, MLB announces that the teams will play until one team has won two games, and that team will win the division pennant. The Mets defeat the Phillies 2-1 on Sunday, October 3rd. They then defeat the Braves on Monday, October 4th in a sudden death 10 inning game, 5-4 to win the pennant. If the Mets had lost to the Braves, the Braves could have defeated the Phils for the pennant. If they’d lost to the Phils, the Phils and Mets would play the final game for the pennant.
The Mets continue on to beat the Reds and the Padres to win the National League pennant, and then defeat the New York Yankees in the World Series.
I asked Swami how he knew all this would happen. He laughed, and said that he just made it all up to pull my leg. He said, “It’s nice to have a little hope, isn’t it? It felt good for a minute, right?”
I agreed that it was nice to fantasize about all those exciting Mets victories. I said, “If the Mets can sweep the Pirates as you described, then I will truly believe!”
Swami looked at me funny, with a kind of hurt look. He said, “You’re a Mets fan! You GOTTA believe!”
I guess in a season like this, we all gotta believe….